Head Cheese

by

You’ve heard of spry rappers Northern State, three women who, as Metro Times said, “set out to crash hip-hop’s sausage party with some roof- and consciousness-raising feminism.” Emcees Hesta Prynn, Spero and Sprout are hardly prison-tatted hip-hop minxes in Chanel; rather, they’re schooled Long Islanders into Sylvia Plath and using skillfully sugar-caked imagery to goof on gender roles. Sadly, last year’s All City took a nosedive despite critics’ blow jobs. They’ve since split from Columbia and hitched back to indie land; a new album is expected in early 2006. Here are Spero and Prynn’s pet peeve monomanias:

5. Asleep at the wheel: Given, I am a New Yorker and I like things fast. But even in New York City you still encounter people who are asleep on the job when it comes to driving like a self-respecting New Yorker. I have no patience for people who are out for a Sunday drive. Just go already! The light’s green! Step on it, homie! Just friggin go already! —Spero

4. The Tyra Banks Show: Ms. Tyra, you are so not Ms. Oprah —Prynn

3. Going down? Waiting for the elevator in my own building. —Prynn

2. Repeat goodbyes: Can everyone please plan goodbyes in such a way where they only happen once? What’s more annoying than a prolonged goodbye followed by the realization that everyone is indeed walking in the same direction to the subway for another five blocks, followed by another prolonged goodbye? This must end immediately. —Spero

1. Unconventional spellings of conventional names: Please don’t name your child Jennifer, and spell it Jennefer, causing your poor child to go through life feeling like a human typo.

 

Thursday, Oct. 6, at the Majestic Theatre (4140 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-9700) with Tegan and Sara.

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