Detroit: the most freaked-out place to live in America!

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We’re at No. 1 with a bullet!

Ready for another national Top 50 list that’s aced by our fair city? Indeed.

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Detroit is America’s “most stressed out city” in which to live and work, according to a study by Portfolio.com and bizjournals. We here at MT aren’t exactly sure how we missed this two-month old collection of provincial miseries, must’ve been blocked out by that para-sexual thrill we get each time we hit a pothole en route to begin our day in downtown Detroit.

At least the chart position means we beat out No. 2 L.A., which is never easy considering the amount of horseshit one must shovel (and listen to) daily just to survive there. Other burgs making the brow-furrowed top 10 include Cleveland, California’s Riverside metro, St. Louis, New York City, New Orleans, Chicago, Birmingham, and Miami-Fort Lauderdale.

Apparently Salt Lake City’s a pretty sweet place to live, it landed dead last because it sees “the lowest murder rate of any major metro, 94 percent smaller than Detroit’s. It also ranks among America’s four best markets for short commutes, low unemployment, and low incidence of circulatory-system diseases.”

To quantify this “stress test” study of the top 50 America cities, such factors as unemployment rates, incomes, ozone levels, crime rates, days of sunshine, house prices, and commute times all averaged in from stats collected from the FBI, the U.S. Census Bureau, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and others.

Look at the study and do the math. It says we’re more than twice as harried as folks in Miami and Memphis and 10 times as freaked out as those in Buffalo and Nashville! Buffalo and Nashville?

Nah. It's just potholes.

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