New pop order

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When last we left our Teen-C heroes, Sci-Fi Steven, Disco John and Manda Rin, they had exploded onto the international pop music scene with hyperactive sloganeering, a boundless ability to nail gloriously naïve sci-fi/pop music/youthful-revolutionary sing-song chants and rants to impossibly hooky sketches of pop songs. Well, kids, it now seems as though our heroes have fallen into the evil clutches of mid-’80s new wave and post-new wave anglopop. But instead of surrendering to the slimy malaise left by the rotting corpses of PIL, New Order and, gasp, the B-52s (And you thought that zombie was still kicking! Shame on you!), the dynamic trio has engaged in a pseudo-science, ritualistic theft of what’s left of these former giants’ glorious postpunk nectar. They are led in spirit by Generalissimo Andy Gill of the de-funk’ed Gang of Four Popmusic Recon group, himself no stranger to the buffeting attacks of style and consumer culture against the fortress of musical and cultural aggravation.

In this episode, Social Dancing, the Bis crew is better armed, older and wiser but just as ecstatic, and has marshaled its raw youthful energy and its recently acquired, ninja-like, mercenary musical sophistication for an all-out assault on growing old gracelessly: Agents of the Fashion Industry Internationale, the Macho Dude Brigade, the Disco Assault Corps and the sluggish rogue operators of the Dadrock Liberation Guitar Army.

"Pop music’s not gonna die, it just has no direction. We need a plan of action." Fear not, kiddies, our heroes have the action, time and vision to execute our wildest pop adventures. Tune in next week.

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