Welcome to fantasy rock critic camp, where becoming a famous rock critic is as easy as being pushed off a log. Here are five snappy examples for you to study at home. Then, once you’re mastered the proper degree of witty cynicism, there’s room at the end for you write your own withering review. So get out those crayons and, hey ho, let’s go!
SAMPLE REVIEW ONE:
Title of track 12: “Hey Baby, Don’t You Know That We’re All Whores?”
No, but if you ‘hum’ a few bars, I’ll ‘fake’ it.
SAMPLE REVIEW TWO:
This disc is Copy-Protected so it can’t be duplicated.
As if anyone would want a second copy.
SAMPLE REVIEW THREE:
Title of track 1: “Armageddon, Motherf**kers.”
Armageddon tired of pansy bands without the guts to print their dirty song titles without censorship asterisks.
SAMPLE REVIEW FOUR:
The first track is a silent ‘hidden’ one that can only be played by rewinding it from the end to the beginning. One silent track out of fifteen is a good start. Hopefully their next album will be completely silent.
SAMPLE REVIEW FIVE:
Forget What You Know? I wish I could forget what I heard!
WRITE YOUR OWN REVIEW HERE:
E-mail Jeffrey Morgan at firstname.lastname@example.org.