I am transfixed by this photo. What is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin firing his submachine guns at? I think it's terrorism. Or maybe a hot air balloon full of grinning puppies. Or maybe the Arcade Fire. Do you have any suggestions? Put 'em in the comments.
Austin will be a guest referee at this weekend's main event, Wrestlemania 23. Ford Field's sold out, the city's alive with bronzed beasts and bulging veins, and I'm sure the Juggalos are amassing somewhere. Check out the next issue of Metro Times for my Wrestlemania recap.
But in the meantime, let's get back to Steve. (Maybe he's firing at Brian Bosworth, attacking from above in a Harrier AV-8B trainer with Nien Numb as his co-pilot, still pissed that Austin stole the name of his classic 1991 biker film for his wrestling nickname.) The Condemned, Austin’s new WWE-funded film, will have a special screening tonight at the Fox as part of Detroit’s big wrestling weekend. It sounds a little like Surviving the Game (F. Murray Abraham! Rutger Hauer! Look for it on TNT) crossed with Battle Royale crossed with, well, I don’t know, maybe something with Christopher Lambert from his late ‘90s lean years. Only you know, instead of a dude with an accent you can’t place, you get Stone Cold totally owning everything in sight.
Full report on this Blahg after the film. What’s he firing at? Who’s blood is that? At any point in the film, will he roll on the ground while firing his weapons? I hope so.
We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.
Email us at email@example.com.
Detroit Metro Times works for you, and your support is essential.
Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Detroit and beyond.
Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.
Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Detroit's true free press free.