I guess the really good news about the Phoenix's "All-Time Best" list (see below) is that Ted Nugent didn't place as the "Best" from our fair state. Nevertheless, the "Terrible" one is in the local news this weekend, as he prepares to present his 6000th show this Friday, July 4th, at Pine Knob (or DTE Music Theater, for those of you who insist on being formal).
For some reason, the Detroit News keeps running opinion page editorial articles from this joker. Actually, the one he wrote a few weeks back, giving advice to graduating seniors, wasn't all that bad, as cliche-ridden as it may have been. But he then followed that up with an editorial (sent via e-mail to editors and writers such as myself) praising the U.S. Supreme Court on their recent "right to bear arms" decision. We still don't think Thomas Jefferson and those dudes had assault weapons in mind when they were writing the document, but whatever... This, of course, came on the heels of Ted debuting his new song, "I AM THE NRA" (he insists on all CAPS for the title) at the NRA Convention (Ted's on the board of directors) in Louisville, Kentucky this past May 17th through the 18th. The song can actually be purchased at the NRA Website. With lyrics such as “If you hate tyrants and dictators and are ready to give freedom a whirl/Celebrate the NRA and the shot heard round the world,” we're imagining that those Minnesota tied songwriters Bob Dylan and Prince are probably shaking in their boots somewhere. (Seriously, though, we are curious what Mr. Dylan thinks of Ted's current tour, which he has dubbed "The Rolling Thunder 2008 Tour"...since Zimmy used that exact same title -- well, not including the 2008 part -- more than three decades ago.)
Said the Terrible One: “We debuted the ultimate soundtrack for freedom lovers everywhere with my new song ‘I AM THE NRA’ to thunderous applause and spontaneous dancing in the aisles. Real honest to God Motor City rock 'n' roll goes perfectly with the spirit of gun lovers everywhere. We know in our hearts and souls that God gave each of us a precious, equal, miraculous gift of life. And we also know, that if not for the formation and growth of this fundamental grassroots organization, individual American citizens would no longer have that US Constitutionally guaranteed God given right to keep and bear arms for the protection of this gift. Thank God for the NRA.”
If that's not enough, Nugent's new book, Ted, White & Blue: The Nugent Manifesto, will be published in August via Regnery Publishing and is comprised of "10 chapters on how to fix America." By having everyone carry guns, we're betting is at least one of those options. Years ago, Beach Boy pain-in-the-ass Mike Love once suggested to the first George Bush that the two of them get together at the Texas Ranch so Love could discuss with the Prez how to fix America. True story. Perhaps Love and the Nuge can get together to compare plans...and maybe Obama, if not McCain, will take note.
OK, maybe we're not being fair to Ted with all the sarcasm. I mean, why hate the guy? He still makes my sister-in-law laugh; she says she can't help herself. And the dude does work hard, after all. In addition to his new live CD and DVD, Sweden Rocks, and his Ted Nugent Spirit of the Wild hunting show on the cable Outdoor channel, the rock star will also make his feature film debut this summer (August 8th, to be exact) in Beer For My Horses, which stars Toby Keith and also features Rodney Carrington, Claire Forlani, Tom Skerritt and Willie Nelson. Filmed on location in New Mexico, the film "follows the exploits of small town deputies and best friends who defy the local sheriff to embark on an outrageous road trip to save one of their girlfriends from kidnappers." We're bettin' they all carry guns, too!
In fact, we recently heard that during shooting for the film...well, let Toby Keith himself, who wrote the film (which we're betting will be stunning Oscar material) describe what happened: "Ted had just shot a guy with a bow and arrow [as part of the film]. He was leaving the set to go back to his trailer, and all of Hollywood is standing around, and suddenly, a cotton tail jumps up -- a rabbit -- and crosses the set. POW! Ted then guts him a rabbit right in front of everybody!"
Charming; just charming. We've said it before and we'll say it again: Fuck him...
Mr. Nugent: He IS the NRA...!