How to Manhandle the CMJ Festival

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Heading to NYC next week to catch a few of the 1200 live bands scheduled to appear over five days at the CMJ Music Marathon? Are you a blogger-wannabe who lately has taken to calling yourself a scout? Or are you a "badgeless" and "fearless" party crasher? Will you be there for the free booze? Maybe you're keen to take a ride on the scenic hipster "L" train to Williamsburg? Maybe you're in a dumb indie band wearing an ironic Kazakhstan headdress who'll be hunting cheap kicks between sets? Do you need suggested pickup lines such as "I totally called it that Sufjan would go electronic"? Or maybe you're a sweat-tit fan-boy stalking Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.? If so, we recommend highly that you read this handy little flowchart from the New York Times to count your ways and nail yer stereotype.

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