This past Saturday, the Wonder Twins attended opening night of Thank You for Being a Friend: The Unofficial Golden Girls Parody at the Ringwald Theatre in Ferndale. From the very first scene, they were reminded why their late Grandma Bea used to tell them that The Golden Girls was inappropriate for them to watch as children.
D’Anne: First of all, I would like to thank you for being a friend.
Laura: I’m not your friend. I’m your sister. There’s a difference.
D’Anne: Well regardless both friends and sisters can be pals and confidants.
Laura: I suppose. However, if you thew a party and invited everyone you knew, it would be a pretty boring and poorly attended party.
D’Anne: But I would see the biggest gift would be from you, right?
Laura: Actually, the biggest gift would be from the cast of Thank You for Being a Friend: The Unofficial Golden Girls Parody and it would be a giant, giant black dildo.
D’Anne: Well, I hope they include a gift receipt. Though I would be honored to have them at any party of mine. Their show is hilarious.
Laura: I agree. The very, very dirty kind of hilarious.
D’Anne: I haven’t laughed that hard at a show since Les Misérables.
Laura: That is not a funny musical.
D’Anne: Well, yeah, but everybody just has those funny little accents.
Laura: They’re French.
D’Anne: Right: a.k.a. hilarious. But not as hilarious as watching four dudes in drag send up elder Miami’s finest: Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia. I’ve always liked The Golden Girls, even though Grandma Bea said it was too racy for us to watch as kids.
Laura: Very true. But this was not our grandma’s Golden Girls. I pity the person who unwittingly takes the olds in their life to this play. As it was, I saw two older couples stumbling out of the theatre in a dazed silence when it was all over.
D’Anne: For real - unless you’re grandma is the raunchiest person you know, think twice about taking her to this play.
Laura: But if your grandma is the raunchiest person you know - have her sitting front row center!
D’Anne: I laughed so much. I loved the show, but I never laughed as hard at any televised episode as I did at this musical.
Laura: True, but do you ever laugh that hard at anything that doesn’t contain leather daddy S & M and Backstreet Boys jokes?
D’Anne: No, I guess I don’t. Actually to be honest, I am not a big fan of really raunchy humor. So when Sophia began the show promising the audience plenty of “pee jokes, poop jokes, dick jokes, and vagina jokes,” I was a little apprehensive.
Laura: Well anybody present can attest your apprehension quickly dissipated and was replaced with laughing like an unhinged drunk.
D’Anne: Are you referring to the woman who was sitting behind us? The one who kept yelling things out like, “Go girls!”
Laura: No, I’m talking about you. You laughed harder than almost anybody there.
D’Anne: That’s because I have a very astute sense of humor. I have to say, Jamie Richards was spot on as Dorothy. He must have watched every episode of every season and intensely studied Bea Arthur’s character.
Laura: Perhaps. But I also think all gay men are born able to rattle off the lines and embody the attitude of at least one Golden Girl.
D’Anne: I wouldn’t be surprised. Incidentally, I bet Michelle Bachman’s husband does a spot-on Rose.
Laura: Well I for one am glad we got to see Joe Plambeck as Rose instead. He was hilarious. My favorite part of the performance was the flashback scene between Rose and her mother. Which was so priceless, we refuse to give you any details about it lest we spoil it - you just have to see it.
D’Anne: That was pretty much the best thing ever. I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants. The whole crowed was in stitches. In retrospect, they should really hand out Depends at the door.
Laura: Any good theatre hands out Depends at the door. I still have mine from a recent performance of The Color Purple. I just saved them as a souvenir since I have a bladder of steel. They’re purple.
D’Anne: Oooh, purple... nice marketing tie-in.
Laura: Whether you have strong bladder control or not, I think it’s safe to say that Thank You for Being a Friend: The Unofficial Golden Girls Parody gets the Wonder Twins nod of approval.
D’Anne: Yes. It’s like a little, gay slice of elderly Miami for your viewing pleasure.
Thank You For Being A Friend is playing at the Ringwald Theatre in downtown Ferndale through August 8th. Check their website for ticket info and more details.
By D’Anne and Laura Witkowski