Why is anyone supposed to care that a guy from Limp Bizkit moved to town?


I heard on Facebook weeks ago that Wes Borland was moving to Detroit. Naturally, my first question (as a diehard music fanatic for forty years now) was: Who is Wes Borland?
Well, it turns out he's a guitarist for one of the worst and most popular (in the '90s) bands on earth. Which, hey, that sounds like a great gig. This man is personally responsible for ruining music as a chief architect of nu-metal, and he got paid serious bucks while at it. Dude!
Dude dressed up like several different childhood nightmares you had all rolled in one — my favorite being the red-body-paint, white-face-paint, super-druggy, all-black-eyes look, because it made him look like a South American primate you've never heard of that's about to be extinct — so here's a photo of it so you can be sad now.
Anyway, today CBS Detroit's website posted a piece that has the headline "Limp Bizkit Guitarist And Rock Singer Fiance Move To Detroit, Put Their Money Where Their Mouth Is." That's all this asshole who ruined music had to do in order to be awesome and great, is fucking move to a sweet house in Boston-Edison? Detroit, can we please stop this madness? I mean, where else is it news just for an asshole has-been '90s hack musician to move to a place? Who cares? I doubt I'll ever be behind this guy in the checkout line at Whole Foods. But if I am, I hope he's dressed like that endangered primate. We can high five! And I'll thank him for saving Detroit.