We are not going to wade into the murky waters of the Jack White/ Black Keys guy controversy

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Surely you awoke to the story of the latest developments between Jack White and the drummer from the Black Keys. Maybe you saw a comment about it first and didn't know what it was about, so you went to an article like this one about the absolute non-event, which was punctuated by multiple screen grabs of Twitter messages. None of which made you care about millionaire rock dudes lofting tepid insults at each other. 

Like you, we don't care, because nothing really seemed to happen. Also, Jack White's music, his record label, his whole legacy is just objectively so far superior to the Black Keys guy (who sure is trying awful hard to portray himself as a nerd, when we all know he is totally a bro — sorry, bro but glasses don't make you a nerd; just ask Rick Perry). 

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