Arts & Culture » Culture

A brief solution

• This may be a cheap fix for the guy with his penis bent to the left. I had the same condition until I was about 25 and had a complex about it. The problem was caused by my wearing boxer shorts. The penis can only hang left or right in those shorts, not straight, and it gets permanently bent one way or the other. The solution to my problem was to switch from boxer shorts to briefs so the penis can be straight up or down. It took about a year for it to straighten out and I have been happy ever since.

• I am an attractive 41-year-old woman and, to be quite honest about it, I can squirt at orgasm stronger, longer and more frequently than any female I have ever heard of. My boyfriend Jim is very appreciative of this. I am a very modest and unassuming person in most areas, but when it comes to this I truly believe I have no equal. Jim's girlfriend before me was, according to him, a very capable squirter, but when she heard of my abilities she stopped calling and returned to her home state. One of Jim's best friends is a woman who thought she was tops in this area. But the more she heard about my liquid assets, the less she had to say and quickly backed off before provoking me. What, were you going to challenge her to dueling urethras at dawn? Sexual responses is not a competitive sport, but if and when the Olympics have such a division I'll be sure to let you know. —Isadora

• I am getting tired of women who pay too much attention to their partners' penis size. I read your column and almost every woman is taking about that issue. It is not what the man has; it’s what he can do with what he has. Women have almost the same size vagina with little variation. Why do they complain? Please tell me why women are so greedy and why they complain so much about it.

Actually, letters about penis size are more than 10-to-1 from men, not women, and vagina sizes, depths and tightness do vary considerably. To their credit, over the years I have received barely a handful of complaints from men on this topic. —Isadora

• I can't believe that you would print a letter that is so similar to my own story. I speak of the 40-year-old married woman with kids who danced naked for three male co-workers in their 30s and had sex with them, before finishing off by giving her voyeuristic 62-year-old boss a blow job. I am a 39-year-old professional male, married seven years. Recently, there was a baby shower for a female co-worker, after work in a meeting room adjacent to our main office. I was the only male there. We were drinking and dancing to music when one lady commented that I moved like a Chippendale's dancer. I said, "Really?" and with a naughty grin, began teasingly bucking my hips and unbuttoning my shirt. Surprisingly, the ladies began to cheer and clap! So I kept unbuttoning, and let my shirt drop to the floor. They cheered louder! The lady of honor, a very pregnant woman in her 20s, shocked me by yelling, "The pants, too!" I said, "OK!" The ladies cleared away the gifts and drinks, and gathered around to watch. My boss, a 53-year-old married Asian woman put her finger to her lips as if to say "a little quieter" and carefully locked the door of the meeting room so no one could come in. She then turned around and I swear, looked right at my crotch and her face turned red. So I undid my belt and carefully removed my pants while they cheered. Someone told the guest of honor to remove my underwear with her teeth. I laughed, thinking she would never do it — but she asked two ladies to help her to her knees in front of me. Then this pretty woman, about seven months pregnant, managed it, as my penis sprang up, almost hitting her face. "Suck it! Suck it!" the ladies cheered, and to my surprise the woman did. A few other ladies joined in, taking turns tonguing and sucking it. I then crawled naked on my knees over to my boss, hiked up her skirt, and ... Since then, the ladies touch and kiss me at work, including the storeroom, and even pull me into the ladies bathroom. My boss calls me into her office almost daily to lick her under her desk. You can see the coincidence between my situation and that of the 40-year-old woman. Please forward my e-mail to her as it sounds like we are perfect slutty soul mates! She's sure to be, just like me, a youngish masturbator, with a very vivid imagination culled from way too many nights alone with Penthouse Forum. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or askisadora@sfbg.com. Her Sexuality Forum is at

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