News & Views » Politics & Prejudices

A colorful fight

It ain’t easy being green, but it’s a whole lot easier being a talking frog than it’s going to be as presidential nominee of the Green Party, as Ralph Nader is about to find out. The consumer David may have slung the stone that plucked the Corvair out of the GM constellation, but that Goliath effort will seem like Shaq O’Neal stepping on an ant compared to competing in a general election, where the volley of mud will be adjudged to be unsafe at any speed. Of course, speed isn’t the problem. It’s the volume. Volume in terms of gibberish projected at ear-shattering decibels as well as the sheer tonnage of bull-sourced fertilizing products about to be dumped on the trail. If a Libertarian can be defined as a Republican who smokes pot and a Reform Party member as a Libertarian with a Kevlar wardrobe, the typical Green Party member could be said to smoke pot in a Kevlar pipe. I see lots of NPR-listening, tofu-eating, white wine-sipping, Volvo-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, gray ponytails. I would imagine Ralph Nader was wearing a suit at the Green Party convention in Denver. And maybe that formal Dr. Kevorkian presence will give the party a chance to deny Al Gore his heritage by garnering 5 percent of the November vote, ensuring the Greens a permanent slot on the ballot. At least now Prince Albert can’t take the left for granted and might be forced to utter some Democratic pap as a sop to attempt to sway some votes from the colorful party that is our future.

Will Durst doesn't have much of an opinion here. E-mail letters@metrotimes.com

comment