A: Anyone at all would be upset to unexpectedly come upon a widowed mother in a sexual situation. In the future, put a lock your bedroom door and ignore her judgements. You're old enough to do as you please. Did you ever get your light fixture repaired? I know several older women who would be delighted to have the number of such a fellow.
Q: My husband seems to have a hang-up about sex after a shower. We have been married for four years. At the beginning of our marriage we told each other what turns us on. I have been fulfilling my part by giving him what turns him on, but when I told him that the damp and clean smell of a man right after he showers is what does it for me, he tells me he can’t have sex after a shower. He doesn't know why, but says if I could wait an hour he'd be able to have sex. I think he is masturbating while taking his 40-minute shower and that's why he's unable to have sex with me. He says he isn't. It's getting very aggravating for me because I feel he either doesn't love me enough to give me what turns me on or he's too selfish. Four years is a long time to wait. Why do you think he's unable to make love after a shower? How would you handle the situation?
A: Perhaps he's weakened by such a long hot shower and has to get his strength back. Perhaps he takes a cold shower at the end and is embarrassed by how much his scrotum shrinks. Who knows? If he won't tell you, focus on how you two can have satisfaction rather than struggling over this thing. Hop into the shower and get things started enough in there so that he's eager to continue when he gets out. Suggest taking a bath together. He'll still be hot and steamy when he emerges. Perhaps you could join a health club and go swimming together once or twice a week. Ask him to suggest some possibilities. Solve this problem together. Rather than making him wrong, allow him to help make it all right.
Q: When it is time to put on a condom I lose my erection and I have difficulty getting it back. It seems to happen whether I put it on or she does. Any suggestions?
A: You might put it on when you first start being sexual, even though you don't plan penetration right away. If you're hard enough, put it on first and play. Wear a cock ring, like a rubber band, that will hold it in place even if you go soft so it will be in place when you stiffen again. Plan for the inevitable and do other sexual things if you go soft. If a particular sex session does not include intercourse or an orgasm for you, aim for it next time you're together. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or [email protected] Her Sexuality Forum is at