News & Views » Columns

All allegations

by

News Hits read with interest the latest scandal involving alleged attorney Geoffrey Fieger.

It wasn’t so much the FBI raiding his law firm’s offices looking for evidence related to allegations that Fieger coerced employees into contributing to the campaign of former presidential candidate John Edwards, an alleged Democrat.

Hey, they’re both trial lawyers. What do you (allegedly) expect?

What tickled us is what appears to be an alleged bit of cosmic irony to the whole mess. You see, within the course of just a few weeks, Fieger — best known for defending a serial euthanizer — went from being accused of extorting someone else to claiming to be a target of extortion himself.

Let us run down the alleged sequence of events for you:

First, Fieger declares that he’s running for state attorney general. The announcement comes as a mild surprise, but isn’t a total shock because he ran for governor back in the ’90s, only to have alleged Pillsbury Doughboy John Engler kick his alleged ass.

After Fieger declares his desire to become AG, the alleged stud currently sitting in that office, a supposed public servant named Mike Cox, holds a news conference, tearful wife at his side, to claim that Fieger had double-allegedly attempted to extort him. Cox says he was investigating Fieger’s stealth-funding of a TV ad attacking Michigan Supreme Court Justice Stephen Markman during the judge’s re-election bid. Cox explains that, in an attempt to get him to back off the investigation, Fieger had a cohort threaten to expose details about Cox’s extramarital affair. (Fieger helpfully issued a press release afterward, saying it wasn’t just one alleged dilly-dally, but who’s counting?)

If News Hits had any balls, we’d allege that Fieger’s decision to run for AG was a semi-brilliant ploy aimed at discrediting any charges Cox might bring. It would take Fieger an alleged five seconds to start screaming that the action was the work of an unscrupulous prosecutor willing to do anything to defeat an alleged political rival.

Then, last week, the FBI comes a-raiding, looking for evidence that Fieger coerced employees into giving to Edwards. And before you can say J. Edgar Hoover allegedly wore dresses, there’s Fieger saying the attorney accusing him of illegal shenanigans regarding Edwards is in fact a mentally ill former employee who had attempted to extort him, threatening to rat to the feds if Geoffie didn’t hand over a couple hundred thou the guy claims was owed to him anyway.

We don’t know who allegedly said it first, but the sequence of events is absolutely true: You can’t make this kind of alleged shit up.

These guys all deserve each other.

Allegedly.

(Note to the Editor: We know you were a little antsy about how the above item was worded, and understand your concern that Fieger’s the kind of loose cannon who could end up suing us for libel if we mess up. But we think there’s enough “alleged” language in here to keep us out of court. If you’re still not comfortable, let us know and we’ll allegedly sprinkle a few dozen more around.)

News Hits is edited by Curt Guyette. Contact the column at 313-202-8004 or NewsHits@metrotimes.com

comment