News & Views » Columns



HAVE A HEART: Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, a holiday that will guarantee you a night in the doghouse if you don’t get your sweetie a card … or, at the very least, an e-card. But what if you’re one of the many bitter, single people who loathe this occasion? Or you recently had your heart trounced upon and deeply resent the mushy lovey-dovey couples who blatantly mock your pain with their every public display of affection? Or maybe you just think it’s a stupid commercialized holiday?

Boy, do we have a Web site for you! Stop over at and you’ll be sure to find an e-card that’s right up your embittered alley. How can one not love a Web site that offers the following logic: “Valentine’s Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD.” The site allows you to send e-cards with touching sentiments such as “You’ll do” and “Please don’t reproduce.” Even better: The site also offers similarly angsty T-shirts, paper cards, mugs and more — and a portion of the proceeds goes to tsunami relief efforts, so these folks aren’t totally heartless after all.

If you’d rather go the route of paper cards, Ann Arborite Tim Furstnau has a lovely selection of decidedly un-saccharine offerings at They include gems like: “Fuck holidays and fuck words on paper” and “Something always prevents me from killing you.”

Or, if you’re truly resentful, at you can order up a batch of custom-made candy hearts with the slogan of your choice (and it ain’t cheap). We’d suggest “BLOW ME” or “DIE BITCH,” but the site warns that it has the right to refuse “obscene or tasteless phrases.” Hmm, wonder if “I H8 U” would pass muster?

Send comments to

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Detroit Metro Times works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Detroit and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Detroit's true free press free.