News & Views » Columns

Backslash

comment

Walken the walk — What with the Shrub’s perpetual vacationing, can you blame those who are looking toward the 2008 election in hope of salvation? Our country needs a brave, no-bullshit leader who can clean up the tremendous mess we’ve made, who can command authority and perhaps a hint of intimidation with just a single steely glance.

Our country needs ... Christopher Walken.

At least, according to the folks who put up walken2008.com (there’s also a mirror site at walkenforpres.com). The faux site (yes, it is fake) has spawned a flurry of media attention — and a fair amount of disappointment among stalwart Walken fans who’d hoped it might be true (considering Reagan and Schwarzenegger, it’s not implausible). While browsing the site, which is impressively slick and convincing, it’s impossible to read Walken’s campaign statement without hearing his trademark intonation inside your head. And any man who’s willing to carry his dead war buddy’s watch up his ass is a true American, right?

However, Walken already has some competition on the Web, from a fellow actor, no less. The folks from arnoldamendment.org and amendus.org want us to amend the Constitution to allow people not born in the United States to run for president (the latter site even mentions our own Gov. Jenny). But not everyone is so keen on Ahnold taking over our country to pump it up: arnoldexposed.com provides a laundry list of reasons why the allegedly woman-groping, dope-smoking dictator-in-training is bad news for America.

If it came down to it, who would win a pitched battle between Walken and the Terminator? Brains over brawn?

One thing’s for sure — If Walken did win, the inaugural ball would have some wonderful shampanya ...

Send comments to backslash@metrotimes.com

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at letters@metrotimes.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Detroit Metro Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Metro Times Press Club for as little as $5 a month.