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Virginity RULZ!! — Dude! Viriginity, is like, so cool! For "proof" check out virginityrules.com, and prepare for an irritating onslaught of wiggling, zooming, noisy Macromedia Flash content (apparently teens who don't have dial-up are just going to have to pop their cherries). The site is run by the East Texas Abstinence Program (E.T.A.P. — insert pun here) and is basically a host for the program's TV spots (available in 45 second downloads — again, insert pun here).

And best to heed the advice of chastitycall.org: "One date may be too late!" A guide for young men and women who want to date but wait, the site offers chastity poems, inspirational talk and a guide to "regaining your virginity." Seriously.

But what about grown-ups who don't want to fuck? Head over to abstinence.net, a "clearinghouse" for adults who just say no (be sure to check out the "Faces of Abstinence" section).

But apparently some wise guy bought up abstinenceonly.com, creating (what we hope is) a joke site that offers "descriptions of graphic sexual abstinence" in a "celebration of non-penetration." According to this site, rubbing is OK, but penetration? No way. The exact wording: "Vigorously rub your face, body and genitalia against those of your faith partner until orgasm (also known as 'faith-fucking')."

The site offers helpful pictorial instructions with a hot dog and buns, as a guide to retaining one's anal virginity.

In case you were wondering, no ketchup was involved.

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