• To the 61-year-old man whose 57-year-old wife has apparently lost interest in sex: if he is still interested in her, then they seek medical help to find out why she prefers to avoid sexual relations. At her age she is likely to be estrogen deficient, which would not only lead to a lack of interest but might also cause her to experience discomfort and even pain with intercourse. They should not attach too much importance to the recent publicity about the adverse effects of estrogen replacement. It's a fact, for instance, that even though long-term use of estrogen slightly increases the risk of breast cancer, women who are receiving estrogen supplement and do develop breast cancer are more likely to survive it because of the closer attention that they get when they are given hormones.
• Re the lady with the 40-DDD cups who was inquiring whether to exchange boyfriends because of penis size (bigger being better, in her view): As you say, whether size matters is up to the individual. Most women probably couldn't care less about penis size, and it's a paltry reason to change boyfriends. But some women do care, and so do most men. I have a very big dick, and I know from experience that the size of it makes a difference to women who are curious about sampling it, women who are afraid to sample it because they think it might hurt, men who are envious and want to play with it, men who are envious and don't want to play with it, etc. And, of course, it matters to me. I happen to think that a big cock gives its owner more sensual satisfaction, because of its increased volume of nerve endings. As for enjoying the impression I might make at nude beaches or in the locker room at the gym, yes, I enjoy that, and all the other pleasurable (to me) stuff that goes with being well-hung. Call it cock pride, juvenile though it may be. We heavy-hung men invariably have it.
Not always; some feel it causes more problems than it’s worth. —Isadora
• In response to the man fantasizing about his wife having sex with another man — I have that same fantasy. It's not so much that I am not giving her what she needs; I look at it as giving her a fantasy guy that she gets a lot of pleasure with. I don't want her just screwing anybody but a guy that's young, handsome and hung. No friends, distant relatives etc. It has to be somebody that you don't know. My wife likes well-hung men but she doesn't cheat on me and is very faithful. I just simply someday would like to surprise her with a handsome, well-hung guy in our bed and take it from there. She could then have the best of both, him and me. If you're secure in your relationship, then you won't know until you try it. It's a fantasy that I look forward to fulfilling someday. She is well-aware of this, so when the time is right I think she'll welcome it. I 'd rather watch her fulfill her itch (not that she has one) then do it behind my back, that's my way of handling it.
I think that's what the newspapers these days call "a pre-emptive strike." —Isadora
Isadora Alman, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Her Sexuality Forum is at