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Guy size, girl size

Q: I and my dear wife have a good sex life. But I want to be a little bigger in order to give her more pleasure. I'm a little longer than 6 inches, and 7-8 inches would be OK for me. I don't know how to do it. There are some methods mentioned on the Internet, but I don't know which of them are scientific and which are not. Can you direct me on the right path?

A: I'm really sorry to be the one to break this to you. Penis enlargement is not the same as say, biceps building. It's not a question of this proven method or that tested pill. In fact, there is no good method that works for all without the possibility of serious consequences. There are surgical methods which are expensive and carry a high possibility of dissatisfaction with the results, and there are exercise regimens such as penis pumping and jelquing (cq) which report some success stories but many more disappointments.

Q: I am a young woman and I don't think my body has completely matured. My breasts aren't as big as my mother's or my sister’s. When do I know I'm finished?

A: Growing humans is not exactly like baking cookies. Some are completely physically mature by early teens, some not until well unto their 20s. I grew an inch in college. The not-so-great news is that, while breast size is influenced by heredity, there is no guarantee you will be the size of the other women in your family.

Q: Since I came out as a transsexual earlier this year to my wife of 20 years, things have been rocky, to say the least. I've accepted the fact that I am what I am and so has she, but I don't want to sacrifice what is most important to me — family, children, home life — by undergoing transition. I have pretty well accommodated myself to living life as I always have. The problem is this: while I love my wife and still desire to be intimate and have sex, my mind has transitioned on its own. My fantasies, images and whatever involve my having sex with men as a woman. I can't reach orgasm without thinking of being in the woman's role. Do I need to come out with this, too? I believe in honesty in marriage, but news like this might be just too devastating at this point. Should I wait it out, hoping that this might fade with time?

A: The good news is that no one is obliged to share his or her fantasies. The bad news is that they are unlikely to just fade away. What you decide to do about them in the long run — sharing them, acting on them — is a major decision. You could use some support. There are such groups for transgendred people all over the country. Check with the International Foundation for Gender Education (info@ifge.org or 781-899-2212.)

Q: I'm sure my problem is one that is fairly common, but it is frustrating nonetheless. I met the girl of my dreams six months ago and we've slept together five times. I've lasted no more than 5-10 minutes (actual intercourse, not foreplay) on three of those occasions. It's very frustrating. I've lasted more than half an hour with every other sexual partner I've had. I'm extremely attracted to this girl both physically and mentally, more so than anybody I've ever meet. She's been very supportive, but I know she's got to be frustrated too. I'm 24 years old and recently became a vegetarian (I’m telling you this because I don't know if that's got anything to do with it). After my little problem happens I tend to get embarrassed and apologize too much, which I'm sure gets old. Please help me — I'm getting very depressed and afraid I’m going to lose her.

A: I don't know whether this is good news or bad news but five to 10 minutes of intercourse is a goodly long time, longer than the average two minutes. If you lose her it is more likely to be because of your attitude than about your sexual performance. Your girlfriend is probably more frustrated by your embarrassed apologies and by the premature end to all sex play than by your coming after five to 10 minutes of intercourse. When you do come, don't apologize and don't stop sex either. Continue to stimulate her with your hands or mouth. Or cuddle. Or take a break. If you don't ruin the mood with apologies, then you may well get another erection which will last longer the second time around. Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with it unless you believe eating animal flesh gives you more of an animal nature. Some people do. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum (www.askisadora.com) or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions

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