Hamtown yuks

Best Way to Fix Up Hamtramck
Merge with Detroit

Poor Hamtramck can’t catch a break. It seems that our readers take this town of about 20,000 for a hardy-har-har laugh riot. When asked what the best way is to fix the city, you suggested that it be turned into an amusement park. What kind of plan is that? Do you really expect people to plunk down a handful of change for a ticket allowing admittance to corner bars and a face full of paczki? Mmmh. On second thought, maybe you have something there. Before settling on the amusement park idea, let’s consider your other suggestions. “Merge with Detroit” received the most votes. How boring. And besides, do you really think you can talk Mayor Dennis Archer into taking on this financial drain? “Create 10 paczki days a year” received the next highest number of votes (may as well combine that with the amusement park idea). “Open more bars” took third place — that also goes along with the amusement-park theme, don’t you think? “Pay the workers” (damn civil servants probably wrote that suggestion) was number four.

Though I’m not much of a beer drinker and paczki give me a stomachache, the amusement park idea is admittedly best. Let’s see, there could be a Trashcan Roller Coaster for the kiddies and all-day rat shoots. (Don’t take it personally, all great cities have ’em.) And who would want to miss The Great Pothole Adventure? Plus, if you put the council members in Spandex tights and tone down their meetings a tiny bit, people will surely pay to watch, just like they do for pro wrestling.