A: I have always felt the best way to find a member of a distinct minority — whether extremely tall and thin Pacific Islanders, those into enema play or pregnant women agreeable to casual sex — is to either go where they are (such as a place for single mothers-to-be) and see if you can connect or place a personal ad, in which case, anyone who answers it is likely to be a member of that minority. Then you only have to find someone compatible.
Q: My husband has always been very interested in viewing pornography. Recently I discovered he had several she-male videos. I also found a phone number in his address book to a "lesbian/gay/bi and even a few straight people" bar. The bar has shows involving female impersonators. When I told him I found this, he said he was curious and drove by and never went in. I don't believe him. I am so upset. We have been married for 27 years and I always trusted him. He is also secretive on the computer. I need a lot of support right now.
A: I don't know what I can give you in the way of support. I can tell you that a fascination with a particular area of sex does not necessarily mean a man engages in it or even wants to. Fantasies are often just that. But let's say he does want some sort of contact with a she-male. Does that necessarily mean he is, has or will be cheating on you? Does it mean he's gay or bisexual? All we know for sure is that he's interested in some aspects of sexuality he doesn't feel he can share with his wife of 27 years. If you ask him about his fantasies out of a desire to know and understand rather than to judge and get upset, you may find out there is nothing about which to be alarmed, anymore than his interest in raptor-watching or fungus-gathering or something else you don't share. Then again, perhaps you don't want to know. In that case, restate your agreement as you understand it (like "no sexual contact with others under any circumstances") and allow the man his private turn-ons.
Q: I'm gay and in a committed relationship. My boyfriend says that he can tell if I recently beat off by the size of my balls. He says that they are smaller when he grabs them during sex on days when I beat off earlier. I say he's full of it. Testicle size doesn't change, at least not because of ejaculating, because the only thing coming out your testicles during ejaculation is sperm, the amount of which is microscopic. Almost all of the volume comes from semen, which is stored in the seminal vesicles inside the body. Am I correct or am I screwing up my 6th-grade sex education? Or is there something that I'm missing that might affect testicle size, like blood flow or something? By the way, his "busting" me if I beat off is not a big deal. We have a healthy relationship, and just like to kid each other about it.
A: My medical consultant (who we'll call Dr. Flash Gordon because that's his real name) says your anatomy is correct. (See www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepage/1113.htm) He thinks your partner may be "busting you", not by your ball size, but by seeing how fast you get hard — you won’t get hard as fast if you've recently ejaculated. He suggests a test. Blindfold your partner and allow him access to your testicles only to see if he can guess whether they are "full" or "empty." His reward for guessing right can be access to the rest of you.