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Jeffrey Morgan’s Media Blackout

And now MB79 asks you to please rise and observe a minute’s silence for the passing of a great rock band, found dead at the age of 33 due to a massive self-inflicted dumbshot wound.

Autopsy Result of the Week: New York DollsOne Day It Will Please Us to Remember Even This (Roadrunner) :: Don’t be so sure because everyone who had a hand in the creation of this steaming pile of fly-infested aural excrement — all of whom should have known better, from the two surviving members (David JoHansen, Sylvain Mizrahi) to the pandering producer (Jack Douglas) to the gratuitous guest stars (Michael Stipe, Iggy Pop) — should be ashamed of themselves.

But of course, they won’t. Every single one of them will cravenly defend this wretched album to the death even though they all know, deep down in their hearts, that it’s a horrible soulless debasement and utter betrayal of everything they used to stand for. And if they don’t know that, then they’re even dumber than I thought.

Because this isn’t a New York Dolls record. It’s a 10th-rate, too-little-too-late, David JoHasbeen solo album full of the same pre-fabricated melodramatic schmaltz that he used to pass off as rock on slick sellout albums like In Style. In fact, this trite tripe isn’t even good enough to be a bad Buster Poindexter record.

If the rasping atonally flat vocalist isn’t busy recycling his old-ook ook jungle act and aping Soupy Lee Roth on "Dance Like A Monkey," he’s shamelessly stealing from Andrew WK on "Gotta Get Away from Tommy." Meanwhile, the cloying castrato background vocals that vandalize this album throughout are appallingly inane; the facile sterile guitars that try oh-so-hard to duplicate Johnny Thunders’ sloppy smackhead style fail miserably; and the lyrics are a litany of lazy half-baked hackwork rhymes like "Exorcise your demons with that monkey grin, ’cause we’re gonna inherit the wind" and "Try to find some comfort what I find instead, like changing my position on a semen bed."

Maybe if we ignore them they’ll go away for good this time. So whatever you do, don’t buy this record because it’ll only encourage them. Instead, walk this schlock right out the door and give it a great big miss.

Be mourning you! Jeffrey Morgan is a freelance writer. Send comments to letters@metrotimes.com

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