• Regarding the woman who watched her neighbor masturbate nightly: ESP is very strong. He may already know someone is watching — he probably even knows it’s her.
• To the woman who views her neighbor masturbating every night: If a guy is doing that, then he obviously knows she lives there. He is putting on a show for her. People generally do not masturbate or have sex with the drapes open and the lights on. He's showing off what he has and what he can do, trying to tempt her. Her best move is to try to get to know the guy without letting on that she regularly observes his performances. He'll undoubtedly put on an even better show once he knows she likes him and that she isn't the police-calling type. I would not advise her to expose herself to a guy she doesn't know by her own participation her the lights on. He might turn out to be a real creep and give her no peace. I'm surprised you offered such advice. If and when the time is right, she should let him know she watches him and participates herself. This, hopefully, will lead to a beautiful thing between them.
Regarding your statement that people generally do not have sex with the drapes open and lights on — more people than you imagine actually do. The fantasy of possibly being observed is a hot one for many. —Isadora
• I just read your response to the older gentleman who was wondering about seeing someone else, since sex with his aging wife has become nonexistent. While you did answer his questions, especially about disease, I am surprised that you did not talk to him about them going to see a therapist to see if there are any underlying problems that are lessening her interest. You also might have suggested that her physical health be evaluated; she may have a hormone imbalance or may be experiencing discomfort. I was surprised that you would only give information as to how this person could protect himself outside of his marriage — and not how to work within it.
I answered what he asked, not what he didn't. —Isadora
• I just read about the man wanting a bigger penis. This guy sounds quite shallow. He wants a bigger penis to impress guys at the gym? That's just gross. I am beyond sick of seeing ads for breast enhancement and penis enlargement. Society teaches us to be ashamed of ourselves and to want what we don't have. It's become a growing obsession of men to want large penises. They probably wouldn't know what to do with one if they had one. Anyway, there are ways to get a bigger penis; Kundalini yoga is one and it comes with the bonus of awakened spirituality. Or tell those wistful wieners to read the Kama Sutra. There are techniques for stretching and strengthening, which you briefly mentioned.
• Some time ago a woman with 40 DDD cups wrote you about whether to ditch her well-endowed fiance for an even more well-endowed man. Your response was predictable, bless your heart. To make a long story short (no pun intended), you told her that size doesn't matter.
Not I! I know that anything that matters, matters. If it matters to you (or her or him), it's not my place to say that it shouldn't. I don't have that column on hand but I'm sure that, since the woman led with her breast size (which had nothing whatsoever to do with her question), measurements appeared to matter far too much to her and that choosing a partner for life by the numbers seemed a very silly yardstick. —Isadora
Isadora Alman, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her at [email protected] Her Sexuality Forum is at