Always eager to be ahead of the curve, News Hits is predicting that beleaguered state Sen. David Jaye will soon announce that he’s experienced a life-changing political epiphany.
The signs are all there. First, the rabid right-winger from Macomb County gets nabbed for an alleged probation violation but beats the charge because a cop failed to provide a Miranda warning. Had that previously happened to some notorious criminal, Jaye would almost certainly have ranted about fixing the system so that lawbreakers aren’t set free because of a damn technicality. Now, it’s a legitimate defense against misuse of police power. Speaking of which, Jaye — a strict law-and-order type who took a high-profile role promoting efforts to reinstate the death penalty in Michigan a few years back — claimed that nasty cops down in Florida coerced his girlfriend into making false statements that resulted in abuse charges, which were reportedly dropped last week. Cops misusing their power? Sounds like we should hook Jaye up with the good folks at the Detroit Coalition Against Police Brutality.
And that beating he took from a fellow prisoner while behind bars in Florida? Jaye has to have emerged from that experience with a greater sense of empathy and compassion for the plight of the incarcerated.
Finally, when the Senate convened hearings to determine whether Jaye’s drunk driving convictions, the pictures of his naked girlfriend stored on his laptop (there’s an image for you) and the Florida arrest added up to just cause for expulsion, who cames to his aid but those weirdo leftists at the ACLU.
The civil liberties group expressed “serious concerns” that Jaye wasn’t given adequate time to prepare for his expulsion hearings. There were also concerns about the “absence of a high standard for expulsion.”
“We rarely, if ever, have seen eye to eye with Sen. Jaye,” Kary Moss, ACLU of Michigan’s executive director, announced in a press release. “But even David Jaye deserves to be treated fairly.”
Touched by the principled support of people he previously considered sworn enemies, and sensitized by personal experiences that allowed him to view the world from a new vantage point, Jaye, we believe, will soon appear behind a bank of microphones and, with a tear in his eye, tell the world:
“I’ve seen the light. Praise be to Mother Jones, I am a born-again liberal!”News Hits is edited by Curt Guyette, the Metro Times news editor. Call 313-202-8004 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org