Best Idea for a New Extreme Sport
That was then, this is now. Before the XFL first hit the air waves, it promised much in the way of extremism: extra-heavy hits, extra-bulging tits, more taunting and risqué flaunting. But now that we’ve seen what it actually delivers, there’s not much that qualifies as “extreme” there, Vern. Certainly not the football talent level. And cleavage we can get anywhere (like in MT’s back pages). As for the hyper-violence that recliner spuds across America have been clamoring for, well we’ve got a better idea: Just rev up the old golf cart and tool on down to the local Toughman competition. Now that’s some hitting.
Vastly more interesting were the second-, third-, fourth- and fifth-place suggestions. Number two, “shark-tank wake boarding,” lets Michiganders combine the exotic beach thrills of Jaws and street-punk surfin’ — something to keep the kids in town during spring break. As for “urban kayaking,” number three, you just don’t want to stay underwater too long and don’t open your mouth. Number four, “pothole jumping,” gets extra points for using a permanent feature of the metro environment in a way that improves fitness and dexterity, while sharpening the reflexes. But the freakiest challenge of all comes from number five: “barefoot abandoned-house obstacle course.” Even fire-walking yogis start sweating at the thought.
Let the games begin!