Q: My boyfriend let me experiment on him with a strap-on. At first he didnt like it, but now he loves it. Now I want to have sex with another guy and watch him suck a real cock. How can I get him to try this? Pretty Eager Gal
A: Jesus Christ, PEG! I have plowed years years! and thousands of words thousands! into convincing straight boys that theres nothing gay nothing! about a woman fucking a man with a strap-on. Whether hes penetrating her or shes penetrating him, I told em, its still straight sex. And people were buying it! (Well, not the editors of Vice Magazine, but theyre not human.) And then you come along, PEG, and undo all my good work in less than 50 fucking words! Now every guy whose girlfriend wants to peg his ass is gonna think its some vast conspiracy to turn him into a dick-lickin bitch. And it is, of course, but we dont want the straight boys to know that!
I cant bring myself to answer any more letters this week. I mean, why bother when all my hard work can be undone in an instant by a thoughtless person who can only think about what she wants? So Im turning this weeks column over to a pack of female-to-male transsexuals. Theyve got some good advice for The Impossible Fantasy, the gay man whos attracted to guys with pies, or hypermasculine FTMs, but wasnt having any luck finding an FTMGWP willing to sleep with him. Take it away, gentlemen.
As a gay-identified FTM, my first reaction to TIFs letter was, Wow, too bad that guy comes across like such a creep. Given that reaction, Im not terribly surprised hes having trouble fulfilling his fantasy. As a public service, Ill try to unpack (ahem) why that was my reaction.
1) Most transfags are not and do not consider themselves hypermasculine, so that could be part of the problem right there.
2) Even if he isnt too particular about that aspect, many transfags are, strangely enough, not all that into traditional gender roles, so the hypermasculine requirement is probably off-putting to more people than just me.
3) There are definitely transfags into having sex up front, as they say, but its not something people like to advertise. So initiating contact by saying, I want to fuck your pussy, may be off-putting.
4) A lot of transfags not all, but a lot are into the leather/S&M/other-weird-stuff scene, so if hes not looking there, that may be another reason hes not finding many.
5) Like you mentioned, Dan, a lot of transfags feel that finding a gay-identified man who will accept their genital arrangement is a lost cause and arent looking all that hard. If TIF is looking mostly in places Web or real life that are geared toward sex and dating, hes probably not going to run into many transfags. He might have more success making contact through groups with political aims or through support groups. Alex
Im a gay bio-male with a comment for the gay man interested in guys with pies. Based on what I know of my FTM friends, heres a suggestion: When you meet a gay/bi FTM, dont call his genitals by female names. Call it his cock. Treat it like a nice, hot cock. By accepting his body for what he might prefer it to be, you have a better chance at making him want to be with you. Charles
Im a transman queer-identified, post-op (chest only) who might have a few insights into why TIF is having trouble finding transguys willing to spread em. An obvious one is that transguys often have resentment toward their pussies. They identify as purely male even though current technological restraints in the medical field arent able to offer them anything more than a lifeless flap of skin taken from their own forearm, leaving it disfigured.
A lot of transguys (including myself) began their transition by first identifying as a butch lesbian. Being in the lesbian community during a time when youre forming your identity can bring you into contact with the notion that penises are oppressive and gross and a symbol of the patriarchy. For transguys who followed this path, those ideas might be a little hard to shake.
On to the Stone Butch phenomenon: Many butch lesbians dont like to be penetrated because they feel disempowered or feminized when theyre being fucked. This is not to say that only butch lesbians eventually identify as trans, but some transguys definitely continue to uphold a very strict no-penetration policy some even have no-touch policies.
TIF mentioned that most of the FTMs hes met have been straight-identified. For many FTMs, especially recently transitioned ones, theres often an obsession with passing in society as male. A lot of FTMs dress and act in stereotypically male ways in order to pass. And what do stereotypical males find attractive? Women. Tits and ass.
Personally, Im not strictly gay-identified, because I love fucking women, but I also enjoy getting slammed by a hard cock every once in a while by a guy with a tight chest and stubble on his chin. As an FTM who sought for so long to acquire a male body, how can I deny the beauty of the male form? I have no doubt TIF will eventually find an FTM who is willing to bottom out for him. Were definitely out there. One of Many Guys with Pies
A couple thoughts from an FTM for TIF:
1) I transitioned six years ago and this is the first time I have encountered the phrase guys with pies. I Googled it and only got porn sites (and people upset about Ann Coulter getting a pie in the face). He might want to rethink his language. Calling a cunt a pie just sounds childish. That said, some FTMs appear to find the term mangina seriously erotic, so maybe Im just straight-laced.
2) Hes not just looking for a man with a vagina, hes looking for a hypermasculine man with a vagina. As if chasing FTMs didnt narrow the pool enough, he wants the double-whammy faggot dream of seducing the straight guy. That damn well may be The Impossible Fantasy.
And while Im here, Dan: When you periodically respond to those pre-op FTMs moaning that they cant get a date, your answer annoys me a bit. You state that most gay guys dont want anything to do with trannies, end of story. My experience has been that a lot of gay guys will give it a whirl if theyve never been with a tranny before. Relationships are tricky, absolutely, but a reasonable amount of confidence and getting laid isnt. Paris
If that chap TIF isnt aware of the porn performer Buck Angel, he should be. Hes exactly what TIF is looking for. Keefer Reefer
Holeeeee shiiiiiiiiiiit. I Googled Buck Angel, checked out his Web site, and then had to spend the rest of the day in a dark room with a cold compress over my eyes. Like, wow. If ever there was proof that theres someone out there for everyone, hypermasculine FTM porn star Buck Angel is it. (Check Buck out at buckangel.com.) Hes just the thing TIF has been looking for just the thingless thing, I should say. Enjoy, TIF.Send letters to firstname.lastname@example.org