Q: When I was young, I naively assumed that since male orgasm was accompanied by ejaculation, female orgasm must be too. When I finally asked a friend about “girl come,” I was corrected. So for years I ignored talk of female ejaculation, just as I ignore talk of Bigfoot sightings. But now I’ve found myself wondering if this particular Bigfoot really does exist. There are so many references to women who ejaculate that it seems like there must be some truth to it all. And, as a woman who has difficulty having a truly satisfying orgasm, I’ve started wondering if maybe I’m holding myself back. Sometimes I’ll start to feel something similar to a full bladder when I’m very aroused, and I’m always terrified I’m going to wet the bed. So what is truth and what is fiction? And if some women do ejaculate, what is the liquid and where is it coming from? I know this isn’t exactly your area of expertise and I’m sorry that I didn’t give you a question where you can imagine Ashton Kutcher in my place, but you have access to sexperts and I’m way too embarrassed about this to ask my family doctor. —Holding Back in Indiana
A: First off, HBII, and miss the whole last season of “Punk’d,” but the rumored-to-be-hot, male-on-male prison rape scene in Ashton Kutcher’s latest flick, The Butterfly Effect, couldn’t even tempt me into the theater.
On to your question, HBII: I was once a skeptic like you, doubtful that female ejaculators really existed. But after hearing numerous women claim they could ejaculate, I decided to arrange a live demonstration — live on the radio in Seattle, but don’t nobody tell Michael Powell — and that’s how, with my very own eyes, I came to see a girl ejaculate. This particular female ejaculator could shoot farther than I’ve ever been able to; I actually had to jump to get out of the way of the come! And the girl come that went flying past me wasn’t yellow and didn’t smell like urine — so what was it?
“Female ejaculate, like male ejaculate, is prostatic fluid, mixed with some glucose and trace amounts of urine, minus the sperm,” says Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot: Not Your Mother’s Orgasm Book! (Hunter House Publishers). “The G-Spot is the female prostate, and all women have a prostate, just as all men do. When stimulated, its glands create ejaculate fluid. It is clear fluid, rather than milky white like male ejaculate.”
So when a woman is aroused, her G-spot swells with ejaculate fluid. But what causes it to go flying out of some women’s bodies? “The muscles surrounding the vagina push out this fluid during orgasm,” says Sundahl, “or [they] clamp down [and prevent its] release.” As for that full-bladder feeling you’ve noticed, HBII, Sundahl believes it’s your very own girl come. “Your bladder may feel full during sex,” she says, “but that is ejaculate knocking on your door and it wants to come out! If you are truly aroused, you will find it difficult to pee, and very easy to ejaculate — if you let go, trust, and push out during orgasm. Learning how to do it is easy for many women, and I’ve been teaching women how to ejaculate for years. You can get step-by-step information in my book.”
Q: I am a mid-20s woman relatively new to masturbating. This morning when I was enjoying my vibrator in the privacy of my apartment, I thought I was going to come, but instead I PEED! All over my bed! My partner did some Internet research, and he claims it is not possible to pee when you’re having an orgasm. But this was most certainly pee — it was yellow and smelled like urine. Is this normal? Am I going to pee all over my partner the next time I come during sex? What’s a girl to do? —The Urinator
A: A girl’s got to get over it, TU. It’s difficult to pee when you’re aroused and about to have — or are actually having — an orgasm. “It’s not impossible that you peed,” says Sundahl, “but it is more productive at this point to explore the possibility that you ejaculated. Usually, female ejaculate is clear and odorless, although at some points during a woman’s monthly cycle, her ejaculate can smell like urine. Since you were surprised and shocked, I recommend allowing yourself to ‘pee’ next time you have an orgasm. Then, take an objective look and smell at your ‘puddle’ to see if it could be ejaculate.”
And thank God for your boyfriend, TU, because he sounds like a total mensch. “You don’t have to worry about your boyfriend being offended by your explorations,” says Sundahl about your situation — unlike some women out there whose boyfriends run screaming at the sight of girl come. “But once a woman’s male partner understands her exuberation is female ‘cum’ and not loss of bladder control,” says Sundahl, “he usually relishes this ever-so-feminine, wet and wild, orgiastic response.”
Q: One night after my husband and I engaged in some normal lovemaking and were enjoying the post-act euphoria, I passed gas. To my husband’s horror it let out this wet, juicy sound. While he checked the sheets to see if they needed to be changed, I informed him that the fart went between the lips of my vagina. Since I was wet from all the come, both his and mine, it made a wet noise, but the fart in and of itself was quite dry. That disgusted my husband even more — and then I made the mistake of telling him that my farts normally take that path.
My question to you, Dan: Does this happen to other women? After sex or not? It seems to me that the fart’s path of least resistance would be through the lips of the vagina, whether post-coital or not. The butt cheeks may be a closer exit but why not go the other way around, especially if it’s pre-moistened. Dan, am I a circus freak or what? —Forced Air Ruined the Sheets
A: Before anyone writes in to accuse me of being a misogynistic, woman-hatin’ big gay cocksucker, I’d like to say this in my defense: I just calmly and coolly entertained two questions about female ejaculation without cracking a single joke, so I hope the Ms. Magazine subscribers out there will forgive me for this: OH MY GOD! YUCK! Before this letter, I had never, ever contemplated the precise path a woman’s gas takes as it makes its way from butthole to the ozone layer.
Still, if there are any women out there who would like to address this issue, I will happily do a follow-up column on this subject — not because this subject interests me, FARTS, but because it will have my readers begging me to start writing columns about santorum again instead.
Oh, and speaking of santorum: www.spreadingsantorum.com is now the No. 1 result when you search “Santorum” on Google!Contact Dan Savage at firstname.lastname@example.org