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What’s your party type?

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The party’s coming, people. The eve of enjoyment is about to arrive and what, pray tell, have you to do?

Most of you have probably made tentative plans, if any at all. So, in a helpful and generous effort to aid you in the search for a night to remember, we at the Metro Times have devised the following personality quiz. Fill it out, taking account of all your partying predilections, and discover the real New Year’s you!

Directions: Read through the following questions. Put a tick mark next to the letter which corresponds with your best or most likely answer. Then regard the letter that you chose most often. If this personality test works as well as it should — which is at least as well as most vague quizzes of this sort do — you and a herd of others like you will be guided toward the events that will best meet your social guidelines for a perfect holiday night.

Understand, though, that this questionnaire is by no means based on any scientific surveys of any sort, has no psychologist backing it, does not offer any guarantee, written or implied. It might, however, point you toward a fun night out.

The Quiz

What color do you enjoy the most?

a. Burnt sienna
b. Inky black
c. Claret
d. Winter white

This past year, which album was a bigger deal for you?

a. Radiohead: Kid A
b. einsturzende neubauten: Silence is Sexy
c. Greg Osby: The Invisible Hand
d. Pierre Boulez: complete webern

Favorite fruit:

a. Banana
b. Orange
c. Apple
d. Kiwi

You are on your way out for a bite (of food). Where will you go?

a. Cass Cafe
b. Somewhere in Greektown
c. Harmonie Park
d. The Whitney

Who would you rather have over for dinner?

a. Bowie
b. Derrick May
c. The ghost of John Coltrane
d. An apparitional J.S. Bach

Who would you most readily recognize on the street?

a. Jason Schusterbauer
b. Tim Price
c. Spencer Barefield
d. Neeme Järvi

If you could be anything, what would you be?

a. Great American novelist
b. Mathematician
c. Trumpet player
d. Architect

 

And now, the answers:

If you answered mostly a:

Rock’s your gig, admit it. Here are your Dec. 31 options:
White Stripes are playing at Magic Stick with special guests Detroit Cobras and the Come-Ons. Show starts at 9 p.m.

Ted Nugent is at the Palace, starring in “Whiplash Bash 2001” with special guest Sammy Hagar and Detroit’s Mad Mordigan. Show starts at 8 p.m.

Violent Femmes are playing at Royal Oak Music Theatre.

Guns N’ Roses are playing in Vegas (Slash might join them, if we’re all very lucky).

If you are in a rock band and rather enjoy being in the spotlight, spin from Thom Yorke’s trick: Gather friendly musicians at your abode. Separate everyone into respective rooms with their own instruments. Set a stopwatch and give everyone 15 minutes to come up with their part to a song — a riff, lyrics, a percussion beat, a bass line, etc. Regroup and perform all at once. See how quickly you can all accommodate to one another’s compositions.

If you answered mostly b:

You want some booty/want to see some booty move/need some primal rhythms so as to shake your own booty.

Go to Ferndale’s hot spot, Temple, for “Snowball.” It’s a ticketed event offering a strolling dinner of hors d’oeuvres and desserts, a cash bar and the DJ sounds of Chicago’s Keith Ware. Party is 9 p.m.-4 a.m. The scene is erotic, white-hot and friendly.

Motor to Motor, where John Acquaviva will bring cheer at 9 p.m. First 200 tickets are available at Ticketmaster outlets for only $25.

Or go to Majestic Theater, where Kevin Saunderson will be master of grooves.

If you answered mostly c:

You’re mad for Blue Note. Your ears hear a tune giving way in the improvisational sound of beeping horns in the street. Here’s a suggestion or two:

Head straight to Harlequin Café for the “Jazz New Year’s Weekend.” Tell me these guys don’t know how to bring in the new year: Friday and Saturday, Dec. 29 and 30, they feature the live music of Marcus Belgrave, Dave Young, Gerald Cleaver, Spencer Barefield and special guest of honor, legendary saxophonist Franz Jackson (Friday only). There’ll be a buffet and a cash bar. On the grand night of Dec. 31: Bring it in again with Dave McMurray, Dave Young, Gerald Cleaver and Spencer Barefield. This party goes from 9:30 p.m.–3 a.m. and the cover (dinner included) is $45. These guys don’t stop.

For heaven’s sake, if you can’t stand the smoke but need the musical heat, don’t go anywhere. Slide in this year’s prized Osby album, boil up some lobster and grab a cozy hold of your baby. Start one hell of a good, smart year.

If you answered mostly d:

You’ve got a heart full of passion. You enjoy heady conversation and a dense orchestral score. Here’s your ultimate evening:

Detroit Symphony Orchestra presents a “New Year’s Eve Gala” at Orchestra Hall. The show features Emil de Cou conducting Viennese favorites. There will be an after-concert party with a dessert buffet, champagne toast and dancing on the stage (a Cinderella story indeed).

You could try to get reservations for dinner at Duet, head over to the hall for the show, turn a few times on the stage and then bundle up for a carriage ride downtown.

Or if you’d rather stay at home, make sure you’ve bought a new cookbook. Or go up north. Or go to a bed-and-breakfast in Montreal. Or throw a party at your house, invite friends to bring a change of clothes from a designated century, then have a fashion show.

There now, problem solved, I’m sure. This is much more difficult than it looks. Have a good holiday, no matter what you do.

Rebecca Mazzei will be practicing her ABCs this new year. E-mail her at rmazzei@metrotimes.com

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