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When the flow slows

• You're right that both the quantity of ejaculate and the force with which it's expelled do diminish with age. And you're also right in suggesting that a man who notices a sudden major change in either is best served by seeing a urologist.

• I have been a reproductive health teacher for the past 10 years and would like to add to the letter about objects being "stuck" intravaginally. Douching to remove any object is not a good idea because it can push bacteria and sperm into the reproductive tract. People need to be made aware the vagina is just a pouch, with a small opening at the upper end called the cervix. The opening of the cervix is only 1/4 to 1/2 inch even on women who have delivered children. Both partners need to relax before attempting to remove anything; there is no need to panic. An emergency services operator told me people get so freaked out they call the police! This is not recommended. Either partner can wash their hands and place one or two fingers in the vagina, then make a sweeping motion to recover the goods. If this does not work, try squatting to locate it. If it is not easy to get, call your health-care provider or Planned Parenthood in the morning. Letting it stay in there longer leaves you open to getting toxic shock syndrome.

• Concerning the tickler fetishist, apparently there are other people interested in this sort of B&D. The show "Sexcetera" which airs on the Playboy Channel recently did a segment on it. There is even a young man who makes erotic films on the subject. If I remember correctly, they mentioned an online community of other people interested in tickling. The Playboy Web site should be able to link you to more info.

• For the reader who asked you about this, I clipped the following from Chuck Shepherd's column "News of the Weird": "Doctors have begun offering the $2,500 Brava Breast Enhancement vacuum device that its developer says can increase cup size by stimulating tissue growth, although the contraption must be worn for 10 hours every day for 10 weeks, pulling tissue gently inside its vacuum domes."

• I hope you can print this answer to the man who doesn't like women paying attention to a man's size. I appreciate your telling him that women vary. Perhaps you could inform him that in childbirth there can be not only some degree of stretching, but also cutting and tearing of nerves. Unfortunately for such a woman, size can start to matter along with a need for more direct stimulation than was previously necessary.

• I was getting a chuckle over all this nonsense about the size of one's tallywacker. Lots of guys are concerned about girth, width and length. First and foremost, size really shouldn't matter. It's how tuned in you are to the particular person you're with and her needs. Period. Size varies according to genes. Men should not worry that their penis is too short when not erect. If women cannot figure out that just because a man's well-hung when soft it doesn't mean he’s larger when erect, then they don't know much either. I've seen many small turtlelike ones come out like gangbusters when erect. The ones that are large when hanging just fill with blood and stay about the same size. On average, the erect penis is 6 inches in length and about the girth of two fingers. I read that if you could not fit into a toilet tissue roll, then you're bigger then average in girth. I hope this helps this poor guy get over his fears. Just work on technique, and worry less about the size issue.

It's kind of you to chime in on an issue that is ever problematic to many. Unfortunately how one "should" feel about anything is rarely a matter of simply not having the facts. Fears and fantasies often outweigh simple facts. —Isadora

• I was like one of those men I read about in your column who can't find the right lady. In 1992, after experiencing a failed relationship, I went to Bangkok, Thailand, and got the geographical cure. It was so successful that I ultimately married the first lady I met there and now she is here. Please direct men who are having a difficult time getting laid here to take a flight to Thailand and get the cure. Too many men are ending up in the monkey house because they don't where to turn to for help.

Your solution may have worked for you, but I certainly can't recommend quickie marriages of desperate Third World women and horny American men with unrealistic expectations. I've seen far more misery than happy results. —Isadora Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or askisadora@aol.com. Her Sexuality Forum is at

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