As of this week, Michigan weather has been, dare we say, shockingly premature with the whole winter wonderland bukkake business. According to a viral Facebook post, the city of Royal Oak appears to be joining in on the festive spirit by decking its halls with balls of holly, jolly jizz — but we sense a ho-ho-hoax.
Last week, Ale Mary's Beer Hall in Royal Oak shared a photo of some festive holiday lights with the caption: “What do you think of Royal Oak's new Christmas lights?”
At a very brief glance, the lights seem pretty innocuous. The photo features illuminated candles attached to lamp posts nestled in some holly with berries and a trio of shooting stars shimmering over the street. Upon further inspection, however, it is very clear that this is not the festive family-friendly decor of our perfectly innocent, totally untainted childhood, no. These holiday adornments are glowing, average-sized dicks with asymmetrical balls and a healthy amount of multicolored jizz. Santa may not be coming to town, but rather he may be coming on it.
Since its posting, the photo has been shared more than 1,500 times and was resurrected Tuesday night by Royal Oak's Made in the Mitten gift shop, which scored another couple hundred shares. The comments across both posts are pretty split in terms of those who believe these lights are spraying holiday cheer all over Royal Oak and those who call bullshit.