Rudy Giuliani humiliated himself in Michigan (for $20,000 a day, allegedly)

At a shameful Michigan election hearing, Rudy Giuliani wants you to believe that politics aren't real, facts aren't real, nothing matters

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We as a nation need to move on from Rudy Giuliani, the disgraced attorney who was once known as "America's Mayor" but who will now forever be known as a deranged toady who debased and humiliated himself in vain for 1980s tabloid supervillain Donald Trump.

And Giuliani's shameful appearance as President Trump's attorney at a House committee panel concerning Michigan's alleged "rigged" election in Lansing on Wednesday should be the final nail in his coffin — an appearance that was somehow even more embarrassing than the bizarre press conference he held at a landscaping company to launch his quixotic quest to overturn the election (just as news broke that major outlets were calling it for Joe Biden) or the other recent election press conference where his head literally started oozing a mysterious dark liquid.



On Wednesday, Giuliani was more of a carnival barker introducing baseless conspiracy theory after baseless conspiracy theory, marred by Trump's legal team's gross incompetence. (One error-ridden lawsuit cites voter fraud in Michigan's Edison County, a place that does not exist.) Things started with Giuliani and Michigan Republican Party Chair Laura Cox appearing on a Zoom conference call urging lawmakers to appoint pro-Trump electors, something that the law does not allow for and that Michigan legislators said would not happen.

At the hearing, Giuliani refused to swear under oath, earning the ire of state Rep. Cynthia Johnson, D-Detroit. "You're allowing people to come here and lie," Johnson told Committee Chair Matt Hall, R-Marshall, according to Michigan Advance.



He then trotted out "witnesses" to the stand like he was a trial attorney (even though this was a House hearing), who then spouted more unverifiable bullshit, including baseless allegations of voter fraud in Detroit. Not only was there gross incompetence but also racism, with one "witness" saying that "all Chinese people look the same" as proof of voter fraud.

Then there was Giuliani's star "witness," Mellissa Carone, an IT worker and quack who alleged so many unverifiable claims about election interference in Detroit that days earlier a Wayne County judge deemed her "simply ... not credible." At the hearing, she came off as a garden-variety Karen asking to talk to the manager who was too much even for fucking Giuliani, who audibly attempted to shush her.


"This is a swindle, it's a con job, it's the theft of an election," Giuliani said toward the end of the hearing. "They stole the election. It's not the first one, not the last one. They're going to steal unless you do something about it."

Apparently Giuliani didn't get the memo: On Tuesday, U.S. Attorney General William Barr stated Tuesday that the Justice Department had found no evidence of election fraud.

The hearing started at 6 p.m. and meandered all the way to 11 p.m., apparently long past Giuliani's bedtime. Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel called the hearing "a state sponsored disinformation campaign geared toward undermining our electoral system. Shameful."

Toward the end of the hearing, Giuliani was asked about a Tuesday report from The New York Times about him allegedly asking Trump for a preemptive pardon for his dubious services, for which he reportedly is paid $20,000 a day. Everyone has their price for which they'll completely sell out, apparently.

Was it worth it? When asked toward the end of the hearing about the $20,000 a day payments, Giuliani deflected, calling the allegation a "defamation of my professional character."

No, Rudy — you did that to yourself. By making a mockery of the law and spouting baseless conspiracy theories, Giuliani is attempting to send a message that facts aren't real, politics are theater, and that we rubes are powerless to the whims of powerful men like him and Trump.

A resounding 2,804,040 Michiganders disagree.

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