“We’ll bring this fool in,” Middleton said to the Zoom meeting, which consisted of eight people waiting for their hearing.
“Good morning sir, what’s your name?” Middleton said when Saxaon logged on.
“Me?” Saxaon said
“Yes.” Middleton said.
“Nathaniel Saxaon, sir,” he replied.
“Your name's not Buttfucker 3000, you [yahoo],” Middleton said, while Saxaon appeared confused and concerned.
“Logging in to my court with that as your screenname. What kind of idiot logs into court like that?” the judge responded.
Saxaon immediately began scanning the screen and claimed he did not type that screen name.
“Well that’s what it says,” Middleton said and decided to relegate Saxaon to the Zoom waiting room to think about his online persona.
“Please your honor, you can just call me ‘Buttfucker.’ ‘Buttfucker 3000’ is my father.”— JTGator (@JTGator813) May 11, 2021
When Saxaon returned he took a moment to apologize to Judge Middleton and explained that his sister had set up his Zoom account and that Buttfucker 3000 was actually the iPhone name he uses to pair with his Bluetooth speaker.
“It’s an inside joke. I’m embarrassed,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
\“Well you should be,” Middleton responded before moving on to more pressing matters like Saxaon's own admission of guilt for the possession of a syringe containing methamphetamine residue during a traffic stop. Saxaon was hit with a $200 fine and was reminded by Middleton that he could have landed himself an additional contempt of court charge for his obscene screenname if not for the judge's generosity.
Thanks to Middelton, Buttfucker 3000 is back on the streets.
We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.
Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Detroit Metro Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Metro Times Press Club for as little as $5 a month.