Quick, you only have a few more weeks to polish your jokes in preparation for impressing babes at your chosen party of the millennium.
One way is to drink insanely and fly through the evening on autopilot, hoping you’ll pop out a witticism or two before crashing into the champagne fountain.
The other way is to bone up with Conan O’Brien’s notoriously witty crew, and memorize a few of their ongoing predictions for how life, as we know it, will transpire in that year oh, so far away.
Utter a few quotes – say, "In the Year 2000, Starbucks makes franchise history by opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks" or "Self-adhesive stamps will prove so popular that the post office will introduce their logical successor – stamps that lick you back" – and you’ll be well on your way, if not to social domination, then at least to a bright future where "Time travel will be so commonplace that Domino’s will change its guarantee to ‘30 minutes ago or it’s free.’"
Because in the Year 2000, you gotta believe, all the funniest lines will already have been aired on TV.
E-mail comments to [email protected].
We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.
Email us at [email protected].
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Detroit Metro Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Metro Times Press Club for as little as $5 a month.