Mutha time

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It’s a minor revelation that the brilliant cynics who oversee the Motorbooty collective have decided to believe that, indeed, the world will survive past Dec. 31, 1999 at all. But evidence of their faith is now available for you to consume.

The United Booty Workers have built their calendar around the theme: "Usher in a new era with scenes from the beginning of time." To wit, head Booty art guy Mark Dancey has created 12 illustrations based on the creation myths of cultures ranging from Babylonia (June) to Norse (March), Maori (April) to Nation of Islam (November), each annotated with a quickie synopsis of the myth (and, of course, a bit of the mag’s no-holds-barred commentary).

Think about it: Do you really need another year of looking at Ansel Adams landscapes or, worse, passing countless cubicle hours contemplating outdated scenes from "Dilbert"?

In the Motorbooty universe, each month reveals a world of snarky fun to be had. Play along at home and try to guess which holidays are real and which are pure Motorbooty fiction! Adopt their holidays for your own: "Pick on Someone Your Own Size Day" (Feb. 11), "Revisionist History Month" (June), "Chulalongkorn and I Don’t Care Day" (Thailand, Oct. 23). Contemplate the past as you plunge headlong into the future with such nuggets of history as (Motorbooty notes) occurred on March 28 when "Robert Johnson sells soul to devil, sells ass to Vocalion, 1936," or on May 17, when "Waldo, golden retriever incarnation of Shirley MacLaine, dies of intestinal parasites, 1888." It’s a good year to start taking the piss out of blowhards, ideologues and idiots. Motorbooty shows the way and now you can play along at home every day of the year. Oh, yeah, act now and receive a free day (December 32nd)!

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