Oh, Thanksgiving. The holiday dedicated to giving thanks is always a special time to catch up with family, stuff our faces with turkey and mashed potatoes, watch some football, and then lay on our backs and stretch to alleviate gas.
But Thanksgiving has also become that terrifying time of year when you have to come face to face with your family members that still believe that Trump is "making America great again," or, God forbid, voted no against Prop 1. How do you catch up with your family knowing that half of them voted for someone with vastly different viewpoints than you? How can you not bring up how Trump has been doing since becoming President?
So we made up a helpful list of some tips on how to sail through this year's Thanksgiving without getting into a heated argument that resembles the Facebook comment section of some Occupy Democrats post that you shared the day after the election.
1. Eat really fast and complain about a stomach ache so you can excuse yourself and hide upstairs.
No one will question a stomach ache from over eating
at Thanksgiving. It's bound to happen to one person, mine as well be you.
2. Sign a peace treaty and vow to not bring up politics at the meal.
You hold your racist uncle to that contract!
3. Bring a friend to moderate.
Invite a friend over to do the job that so many moderators during this election couldn't do. Tasks involve fact-checking, calming nerves, and giving equal time for each side to speak.
4. Prepare to educate the hell out of them.
Find the best articles from the New York Times, Washington Post, Mother Jones,
or any other credible publication and try to have an honest and open conversation.
5. If that doesn't work, turn to wine.
Find your inner "Grigio Girl" and drink the stupid comments away.
6. Leave early to get in line for Black Friday.
Skip the pumpkin pie and set sail for Target. And even if you're not heading to shop, it's the perfect excuse.
7. Request to sit at the kid's table.
You may have to endure awkward questions from your little cousins, but hopefully
the conversation will turn to "My Little Pony" or Zootopia.
8. Come out of the closet at the dinner table.
No one will dare bring up Trump or Pence if you do this. And if you are out, just talk about being gay nonstop. They will all #respectyourjourney.
9. Turn the volume on the TV louder and louder.
Drown out the racist comments with play-by-plays
of the Lions game.
10. And if all else fails, turn the meal into your own drinking game.
Drink every time someone mentions Trump, Hillary, Hamilton, Russia, Muslims, "the media," alt-right, Macomb County, libtard, ISIS, liberal rag, emails, and Megyn Kelly.