Curious what's hot for fall? Look no further than the hundreds of trendsetters, fashionistas, human mayonnaise packets, and armed militia who strutted their stuff — and
defied Gov. Gretchen Whitmer and her coronavirus “sham-demic” policies — on the Capitol steps on Thursday.
Watch out, Paris fashion week! Take a hike, New York! Go back to where you friggin' came from, Milan! Here come Michigan's finest displays of MAGA, misogyny, and morons. Take a look at some of the boldest, wettest, most fucking depressing fashion statements we saw in Lansing.
Typical libtard Michigan weather forced the anti-Whitmer protesters to sport their best rain gear. And, boy, did they get creative.
One protester even found some vintage inspiration from the first lady and
Queen Obama-birther herself, Melania Trump, who wore a similar controversial Zara jacket in 2018
when she went to visit migrant children who had been separated from their families by the hands of her racist husband-in-chief. Hey, at least they spelled “tyranny” correctly!
Want to blend in and stand out at the same time? Who doesn't?! Just slap on a camouflage poncho and hold a weapon that can fire off 600 rounds per minute in public and in broad daylight. After all, nothing says, “Hey, don't look at me or my gun ever again” quite like a white guy ... just a white guy.
Because many folks were forced to layer up, covering what we have to imagine to be very thoughtfully curated 'fits, it was accessories that were all the rage. No, really. The accessories were very hateful.
Take a look at this granddaddy incel! Neither rain nor common decency could stop him from tying a noose around a nude Whitmer-inspired Barbie doll! Also, someone has clearly been brushing up on their Tyra Banks “smize!” Fierce!
And actually very frightening.
You know those couples that have been together so long and are so in love that they start to look like each other? Well, we just love this flag-on-flag-on-flag energy from this couple that just screams “missionary sex once every election cycle!”
Another hot accessory trend? Children who have no idea why the fuck they've been dragged out of the house to stand in the rain without masks and watch a bunch of grown-ass adults with big scary guns that they will likely learn how to run from during a school shooting drill scream about a woman who is working really hard to keep kids like them, and their dumbass parents, safe. Don't have a kid? No problem. Just act like one. That seemed to be pretty popular on Thursday, too.
For those without kids, partners, or spare Barbie dolls to deface, all you need to make a statement is some poster board, a marker, and a message. Take it from this guy who had all three! Props to his Google search, which absolutely told him how to properly spell “vaccinate” and “deez.” Good luck with your future polio diagnosis!
Now, for those with a strong artistic vision, an Exacto knife, some tin foil, and zero clue as to what actual prison is like, accessories can also be used in a practical fashion. Take these people who cannot stand up for their constitutional rights as much as they can lean on them. You go, Karen!
Fashion is meant to push boundaries. The same can be true of weapons. This guy did both when he brought a good old-fashioned ax to the gunfight/Trump rally. And, excuse you
, mister. Who said you could straight-up slay
in that Constitution graphic hoodie? What a fashion-forward, totally edgy way to remind yourself and your neighbors of your Constitutional rights. Well, not all of them — just the ones you're choosing to uphold by using intimidation tactics, weapons, and hate speech toward a woman in power.
While so many people who attended the Lansing protest were deadly serious about their fashion statements, whimsy also had a major moment. From DIY masks, DIY signs that imagine Whitmer as Hitler, and, well, just look at this ... Poké-person.
Remember, folks. Standing up for what you believe in is always in style. Unless you're dressed like a children's anime creature clutching an AR-15. Then maybe, just don't. And please, until Big Gretch says otherwise, stay the fuck home.
Stay on top of Detroit news and views. Sign up for our weekly issue newsletter delivered each Wednesday.